Format: bullet cues only, reference not read-aloud. Hosts riff from beats, never teleprompter the page.
Scored as: 2012-2015 335i sedan, 3.0L N55 single-turbo inline-6, 6-speed manual, rear-wheel drive (the 8-speed automatic and xDrive noted, not scored; the 2016 car was renamed 340i on a different engine and sits outside scope) · Total: 45/70 (ratified by Ramon 2026-09-27; Deal on the resale rule, no cap applies at Risk 5; Upkeep on its dollar band) · Target runtime: ~6:45, hard ceiling 7:00
Title (curiosity gap): "The BMW You Buy to Skip the N54"
Thumbnail word (emotion/verdict, zero overlap w/ title): "ONE BILL" + big 45 on the Board
Order: Deal → Drive → Upkeep → Risk → Daily → Limit → Mods → Board → Verdict

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Hook | One Sentence (~0:06)

1. "This is the three-hundred-horsepower BMW people buy to get away from the N54's problems. It's twelve-six-ninety on book, it's losing about twenty-four hundred a year, and it still has a fuel pump that can cost you thirty-five hundred."
2. "The N54 had two ways to wreck your wallet. The N55 has one. It runs two thousand to thirty-five hundred dollars, and no inspection can rule it out."
3. "Three hundred horsepower, a six-speed, four doors, and the engine buyers picked to dodge the N54. Here's what they didn't dodge."

Recommend #1. It carries the three things the video turns on: the price, the depreciation and the one big bill, and it works for a viewer who has never seen the E90 video. Cut straight to The Deal on the last syllable.

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1 · The Deal, reveal 4 (~1:05)

Beats

• $12,690 · KBB private party, Good, 2014 335i sedan · range $10,890 Fair to $14,040 Excellent · KBB doesn't say what mileage it assumes
• Say this about the number: the same KBB page gave us $11,700 on one pull and $12,690 on the next, the same day. Read it as today's reading, not an exact price
• The asking market: about $14,657, the mean of cars.com's average for 2012, 2013, 2014 and 2015 ($12,898 / $14,231 / $15,509 / $15,989). Those are nationwide research-page averages across trims, so they can include xDrive and automatics. Carvana's sedans, manual and automatic mixed, ran roughly $17,000 to $22,000
• What you lose: KBB's resale column for a 2014 sedan: $11,482 in 2023, $9,671 in 2024, $7,544 in 2025. About 18.94% a year, about $2,404 a year on the buy-in. Say it plainly: this car is still on the steep part of the curve. The E90 loses about $298 a year
• It's KBB's resale series, not the private-party series, so 2025's number sits under today's. Don't draw a line from one to the other
• What you get: $12,690 for 11.9 lb/hp, against a going rate of about $12,895 for that power-to-weight. That's 0.98x: about what the power costs
• $42.3/hp on book, $48.9/hp on the asking mean. The 128i is $34.9/hp on book
• The rule reads 4 and we score a 4. Lose 1 because $2,404 a year is over our $2,000 floor, get 3 because the price is near the going rate. Risk is 5, above the cap, so nothing holds it down or lifts it. This is the Deal with no thumb on the scale
• Against the E90: $4,480 on book. The N55 is the engine people pay extra for

B-roll: cars.com research page, 2013 335i · screen-record at edit time · KBB page for the 2014 sedan
On screen: "$12,690 BOOK" beside "$14,657 ASKING" · the three KBB resale points as a falling line, "$2,404 / YEAR" on it · "RULE: 4" with "NO CAP" beneath
Reveal line cue: "Priced like the engine you want, and falling like it... The Deal, a 4."

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2 · The Drive, reveal 7 (~0:50)

Beats

• 300 hp at 5,800 rpm / 300 lb-ft from 1,200 to 5,000 rpm · 3,571 lb · 11.9 lb/hp
• Against the E90: 300 hp and 300 lb-ft in 3,594 lb. The same output, a little less car
• No 0-60 on air. We have no instrumented time we can cite: the one most repeated for this car comes from an outlet we don't use. BMW's own claim for the European 302 hp car is about 5.5s to 62 mph, a different market's rating and the maker's number. Context only, if at all
• A single twin-scroll turbo, torque flat from 1,200 rpm. Powertrain character 4, the same call as the E90: a tuner favorite
• Steering feel 3, "precise but numb." The F30 traded the E90's hydraulic rack for electric assist. That one point is why this reads a 7 and the E90 an 8. It's a judgment about feel, not a number
• Against the G37: 328 hp in 3,640 lb, 11.1 lb/hp, also a 7 for the Drive
• Cornering is not in this score. That's The Limit

On screen: 300 / 300 chip · "1,200 → 5,000 RPM" bar · "HYDRAULIC → ELECTRIC" tag over the steering wheel with the E90 / F30 labels
Reveal line cue: "The same six, a quieter wheel... The Drive, a 7."

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3 · The Upkeep, reveal 6 (~0:50)

Beats

• $4,996/yr: $2,087 fuel · $1,992 insurance · $497 tires · $420 service
• 23 mpg combined, 20 city / 29 highway, fueleconomy.gov, the 2013 manual. Premium recommended: 91, with 89 as the floor
• Insurance is the "335i Sedan 4d" row in MoneyGeek's trim table, $1,992 full coverage. It is the same row the E90 uses, on purpose: MoneyGeek keys that table by trim name, not generation, and BMW badged both cars the same. It leaves out the xDrive rows. Say that so nobody thinks we copied it
• Tires are staggered, 225/45R18 front and 255/40R18 rear, a 19-inch option also shipped. Board tire rule: a Continental ExtremeContact Sport 02 in the factory sizes, SimpleTire's price, a set every 24,000 miles. $237.99 a front, $258.99 a rear, a $993.96 set: $497 a year
• Service: $420 a year, and it's our own build-up: oil $250, brake fluid $60, filters $40, plugs $70, amortized. The E90's $820 came from a different source, so don't sell the gap as exact
• Against the E90: $4,996 against $5,668 a year. The F30 saves it in fuel, 23 mpg against 20, and the soft service line
• Close to the 128i's $4,852 a year
• The score is the dollar band: $4,996 sits in the 6 band

YEAR-ONE COST

• Maintained ~$900–1,600 · Typical ~$1,800–3,000 · Neglected ~$4,500–8,500
• Maintained assumes the water pump and VANOS work are already done. Typical adds one deferred item, usually the oil filter housing gasket. Neglected stacks a turbo and a fuel pump on top of the routine items
• Pieces, at 120,000 miles with an independent shop: water pump and thermostat housing $700-1,278 · VANOS solenoids $300-500 · housing gasket $400-1,000 · wastegate rattle $800-1,200 or a turbo $2,200-3,800 · pump $2,000-3,500

On screen: running-cost stack · a small "SAME ROW AS THE E90" tag on the insurance bar · three year-one bars, the neglected one the tallest
Reveal line cue: "Cheaper to keep than the car it replaced, with a year one to plan for... The Upkeep, a 6."

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4 · The Risk, reveal 5 (~1:30)

Beats

• One catastrophic mode, and an inspection can't rule it out. That's what a 5 means on our rubric. The E90 has two, and scored a 4
• The high-pressure fuel pump: $2,000-3,500, the genuine BMW pump alone about $1,647. No mileage pattern, reported across the range
• Why the N55 is the engine buyers move to: this is the revised pump, a different design from the one behind BMW's N54 recall and class action. Those cover 2007-2010 cars. We found no recall or extended warranty for the pump on this car. The N54's doesn't apply, and there's no extension to lean on
• Frequency is moderate: better than the pre-2012 N55 pump, still reported. Very early 2012 cars may carry the old design. Ask for the pump's part revision
• How a PPI catches it: only if it has already failed, or a scan shows a fuel-trim or rail-pressure code. Ask for replacement records
• The turbo is the lighter half. Wastegate rattle from about 40,000 to 60,000 miles, $800-1,200 to rebuild, a full turbo $2,200-3,800. That top end is a little above the pump's. Say so
• Why it isn't a second mode: we judge the full replacement the less common failure on the N55, and the rattle is audible at a cold start. Listening is a real test, though a rattle doesn't tell you when it fails
• Recalls: four reach this car, all free, VIN-checked by model year. 20V017000, the Takata driver airbag inflator, 2012 and 2013: an unresolved explosion risk, a must-check · 14V176000, the VANOS housing bolts, 2012 only: they can loosen or break · 15V189000, a fuel-pump plating defect, 2014 · 15V520000, a software fix for the front marker lights, all four years
• Don't conflate 15V189000 with the pump. Its own text doesn't say high-pressure. Three more Takata campaigns reach 2014 and 2015: 24V288000, 25V871000 and 24V527000. We confirmed they apply; we didn't dig further. Check them by VIN
• NHTSA complaints, all categories: 33 for 2012, 65 for 2013, 20 for 2014, 10 for 2015. We first counted only the engine category and undercounted. These aren't adjusted for how many cars were sold
• The rest, quickly: oil filter housing gasket $400-1,000 (about $1,300 at a dealer) around 100,000 miles · VANOS solenoids $300-500 for both · water pump and thermostat $700-1,278 at 80,000-90,000 miles, and the coolant flange alone is about an $18 part if it's caught before it cracks
• Against the 128i: a 7 for Risk with a worst repair of $800. Against the E90: a 4. This car sits between them

PPI CHECKLIST: hold it on screen
1. Confirm 6-speed manual, not automatic
2. Cold start: listen for wastegate rattle
3. Scan for VANOS / cam-timing fault codes
4. Check coolant level and expansion tank
5. Ask for HPFP replacement records
6. Inspect oil filter housing for seepage
7. Check water pump/thermostat records
8. Check for oil on the serpentine belt
9. Confirm fuel used is 91-octane premium
10. Request a VIN-specific recall check

On screen: "ONE MODE" stamp · the pump bar, then a turbo bar a little taller beside it · "NO RECALL ON THE PUMP, NO EXTENSION" · four recall chips with model years · PPI checklist held long enough to pause
Reveal line cue: "One real bill, and a recall list to read... The Risk, a 5."

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5 · The Daily, reveal 8 (~0:25)

Beats

• 5 seats, 4 doors, 17.0 cu ft trunk, BMW's published figure
• Could it be your only car? Yes
• iDrive, CIC on early cars and NBT from the mid-cycle refresh. No factory CarPlay in any year in scope
• Against the E90: 12.0 cu ft. Against the 128i: four seats, two doors
• 8 is the sedan ceiling on our rubric

On screen: rear doors open · 5 SEATS / 17.0 CU FT chip · "NO CARPLAY" tag over the dash
Reveal line cue: "A real trunk, no phone on the screen... The Daily, an 8."

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6 · The Limit, reveal 6 (~0:30)

Beats

• SCCA F Street. The 2026 rulebook lists "3 Series (F30/F31 chassis; 6-cyl Turbo, non-M3) (2012-20)" there, the same as the 2021 edition. The E90 and the G37 run in F Street too
• Rear drive, 3,571 lb, staggered 225/45R18 front and 255/40R18 rear
• Grip is not captured. The outlets that print a skidpad figure for this car are blocked to us. No number on air
• So it's a 6: competent rather than sharp, scored alongside the E90 and the G37

On screen: "F STREET" banner · the Appendix A line, quoted · "GRIP: NOT CAPTURED" tag
Reveal line cue: "Rear drive and no number to hang on it... The Limit, a 6."

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7 · The Mods, reveal 8 (~0:40)

Beats

• First step: an ECU flash, $700-1,000. A JB4 piggyback, or a bootloader flash like MHD or Cobb
• Tuners commonly report roughly 60-90 whp on pump gas with nothing else changed, on the stock single turbo. That's the community's number, not an independent dyno. Say so
• About $800-1,000 per +100 whp is our estimate, extrapolated from that. We didn't pull a dated dyno sheet
• One ecosystem for the whole N54/N55 family: JB4, MHD and Cobb cover the 135i, the 335i coupe and convertible, the 535i and more. It isn't a 335i-only scene
• The catch: more boost and fueling raises the fuel pump's duty cycle and exhaust heat, and both land on this engine's two weak points. E85 tunes ask more of the pump than pump-gas ones. That's a plausibility argument, not a failure-rate study. Price the pump sooner if you tune
• Same rung as the E90: a cheap first step and a deep ceiling

On screen: "$700-1,000 → ~60-90 WHP" · "TUNER-REPORTED" tag · the pump and the turbo lighting up as the boost gauge rises
Reveal line cue: "A cheap first step, and the pump is still the pump... The Mods, an 8."

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The Board + Verdict (~0:50)

Beats

• Total lands: 45 / 70, level with the 128i, and listed after it as the newer entry
• The shape: an 8 for the Daily, an 8 for the Mods, a 7 for the Drive, a 6 for the Upkeep and the Limit, a 5 for the Risk and a 4 for the Deal
• Cross-shop line: the E90's 300 hp for $12,690 instead of $4,480, with one big bill instead of two
• VERDICT: "Buy one with a fuel-pump replacement on record and its recalls run by VIN, or keep $3,500 aside for the pump, and price in about $2,404 a year going back to depreciation."
• The condition, repeated so it sticks: listen at a cold start for the wastegate rattle, scan for VANOS and cam-timing codes, ask for the pump records, run the VIN for every recall, the Takata airbag ones above all
• The manual is the minority build. The 8-speed automatic is the volume gearbox and BMW publishes no take-rate. Industry-wide, manuals were roughly 4-7% of new US sales in 2012-2013 (DOE). Our own estimate for the 335i is 2-4% manual, and it's an estimate, not a BMW number. We couldn't count manual listings: cars.com's listings grid wouldn't load for us. Check the pedals first
• Skip case: you want the badge with the pump risk gone. The 128i is $8,030 on book with a worst repair of $800

On screen: the 45 hits the Board, beside the 128i and the S4 B8.5 · Buy stamp with the condition line
Close cue: one line to the Board · end

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Runtime + notes

• Sum ~ 6:45. The Deal and The Risk carry the runtime: the price and the one big bill. If it runs long, pull from The Daily and The Limit, then the year-one pieces in The Upkeep.
• Scores: all seven ratified by Ramon on 2026-09-27. Deal is on the resale rule (lose 1, get 3) and no cap applies at Risk 5; Upkeep on its dollar band. The Risk started at 4 and moved to 5 at that review, because the N55 is the engine buyers choose to avoid the N54's problems. The Drive's steering half is electric assist, a judgment; the Limit's 6 has no grip figure behind it.
• Do not say on camera: a 0-60 time as measured, a manual-share figure as BMW's, "recalled" about the fuel pump (15V189000 is a separate part and the recall's text doesn't say high-pressure), "under warranty" about the pump, a tuner's gain as independent, or a count of cars for sale.
• B-roll warning: most F30 335i sedans were automatics, the 328i looks the same, and the 2016 car is a 340i. Check for the third pedal, the 335i badge and a 2012-2015 car before a shot goes in as the scored car. The Daily photo shows an automatic selector, the Risk photo is a BMW turbo from a later engine, the Mods photo is an X5's N55, and several of our cars are European-market. Say so if one is on screen.
• Title and thumbnail share zero words per channel rule.

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